Articles
Grief & the Holidays
Grief & the Holidays by Doug Kashorek
The first time I realized that this season was not always joyous for everyone was when I watched the 1984 Gremlins and heard one character divulge that she had lost her father on Christmas. But I was untouched by a close loss until my first grandparent’s death when I was 33. Gatherings weren’t the same anymore, but I, having my own family, was still able to maintain a certain emotional distance from grief during the holidays—even as the others passed—until my wife died on December 13, 2020.
That Christmas, just days after the funeral, was one of shock as I was surrounded by family and friends all comforting one another in our loss. As the first anniversary approached, I got through the holidays by helping my adult kids in their grief. After all, I was living a new life in a new state in a new job in a new house … and finding comfort in a new relationship with a widow who also grieved during this darkest time of the year.
In “Out, Out—” Robert Frost tells of the tragic death of a boy who accidentally cuts his hand off with a chainsaw. Even in my innocence when I had first studied this poem, its ending always struck me: And they, since they Were not the one dead, turned to their affairs. I’ve discovered, sadly, that it’s human nature to be with someone when they initially experience loss but to drift away into our own lives soon afterward.
It should not be so in the family of God. We can look around our auditoriums and recall many who are not worshiping with us any longer and see their loved ones with hearts heavy from the loss of even distant relatives and friends sitting alone. Take time to talk to them and let them know that you miss those people too. Invite them out to shop, see lights, or eat in your home. Speak the name of the one they’re missing.
Then in 2023, I challenge you to encourage one person who has known loss per week.
